Filled with anxiety and melancholy I set about getting through the day. I threw myself into being a jolly kind mum and an attentive friend and a great confidante for my colleague and a walk and a Cycle a phenomenal welsh cawl and a baby (my friends) bath later I feel human. Is this the way forward? It’s exhausting which is good as I may sleep the night but the reality is he is dominating my thoughts my friends ask have I heard from him and I always reply – I haven’t and I won’t – I know him. I am watching old videos of us together and willing myself to move on from this phase of grief. It’s heart breaking.
I bumped into the brother of my first ex on the sea front – we chatted for ages which was lovely. I felt like saying your brother was an abusive man who took advantage of a naive virgin and tore her already fragile confidence and self esteem to shreds. Instead we laughed and reminisced but all the while my head was filled with grotesque images of our cruel time together – devastating. So I was glad then to help my friend bather her beautiful baby boy. How jealous of her o am. He is a wonderful child. I know my time is coming to an end for another child of my own. It saddens me deeply and fills me with a sense of grief. My life now feels directionless and uncertain and I realise that this is the same crossroads so many people reach
TasteJunkie 