so many times the message was so clear. I didn’t want to listen though. Love is cruel like that you just want to ignore even loud voices when they say things you don’t want to hear. I have been in love since the 9th of March 2013. It was my 40th Birthday and my wonderful boyfriend swept me off my feet on the night of my Hollywood themed, black tie birthday party. 16 years my junior at 23 he impressed my friends and kissed me and held me and played me the chase and status track – sweet sensation after everyone had left and we danced – it was beautiful and I told him I didn’t need anything from him but to be loved and taken care of and for that moment it seemed possible and I abandoned any qualms about our age gap and fell madly and deeply in love. But the years that followed were stricken with his often cruel manipulative behaviour and a capacity to take what I never would have thought possible emotionally and financially leaving me anguished and despondent that things would ever improve. Of course every time I tried to face this reality and leave him he would express a depth of emotion and a deep connection that I absolutely felt to be unique and special and I believed that we were privileged to feel this way. I didn’t listen to the messages of his behaviour I made excuses often justifying his appalling treatment of me as a product of a terrible series of abandonments. We split for 18 months and entered new relationships – 9 months ago we reconciled on the assurance from him that he was a different man now that he had finally after years achieved a new role in the line of work he was qualified in and had coveted since we’d met. I had missed him and loved him so deeply that I felt I had no choice but to ignore the voices and try again…..big mistake….huge 😦
TasteJunkie 