Classic chilli – is there such a thing? Mine is now a vegetarian and meat hybrid and packed full of veg and flavoursome spices. Much like my life….too hot to handle.
I’ve been dumped but I am actually relieved. Go figure after 5 years. He was a complex and traumatised character and I tried to work through all that came with that but in the end my partners intentions weren’t good for me 😦 . It’s always so hard to be around him he is so controlling and well mean. Classic taker – Taking all they can and giving as little back as possible. For instance we went on holiday and I managed to get a week for less than £100 each staying with friends in Switzerland. Not satisfied with that I was pushed by him to book another week somewhere else. I found several great locations but they weren’t up to par. Finally I went for a week on the coast of Italy. Not able to contribute half the cost – we agreed he would fix the roof of my leaky camper to compensate and the proviso of coming was that he would do that and have spending money. In the event my roof still leaks and whilst on holiday an unexpected expense and the insurance on his house coming out in one hit (which I now realise was on purpose) meant he let me buy everything even though I awoke with tears and anxiety every night of our holiday. The other night he had forgotten the camper keys in his house so I had to drive the 30 minutes to go and get them in the middle of the night in readiness for my daughter’s birthday camping trip the following day. The keys had been thrown in a Carrier bag with an open bank statement – that’s when it really hit me. I looked. I know I shouldn’t have but I suddenly felt compelled to know. I was shaking opening the sheets and I searched for our holiday dates and saw that when I was crying every night and he wouldn’t even buy and ice cream he had over £1600 in his account – I know that he needed £800 of that to complete on his house but I was in a pickle and he let me suffer and took all that from me when he had £800 to spare. It’s bordering on evil. The final straw was that 2 nights later we were in his house and I cooked dinner before hand so we could just warm it up and spend 4 hours scrubbing his kitchen as it was so bad after the previous owner passed. All he did in that time was say how irritating I was leaving a bin bag in his path and berate me for not finding the electric key he had lost. I stood there and thought for the longest time. I mused about love and why it keeps us where we are caused pain and wondered what this man who treated me this way could feel for me. I concluded – nothing. That was the moment when I realised that he hadn’t kissed me for months, that he hadn’t touched me as a lover should for months and I hadn’t had a gaze that meant anything for months. He was using me. I had always thought deep down he was in love with me. His ex and I chatted on a train once and she said I should never doubt it. I’m afraid though that this isn’t love and I would literally be happier alone. I can cook my way to happiness and I intend to heal and be happy. I am truly a good person and that I know to be rare. I deserve so much more than to be treated so badly and my daughter – she deserves someone caring and loving. My ex was fine with her but after 5 years he should love her… she is demanding and difficult but she is the light and special and wonderful and deserves love. So embark with me on this beginning, this journey, its going to be fun and hard and Hilarious and harrowing but I know that somehow time means nothing, character does and mine will save me.
TasteJunkie 